Adjusting to shared parenting time and authority is a challenge. Parents have to adapt to spending less time with their children on a regular basis. They also have to adapt how they handle special events, such as holidays and birthdays.
Adjusting to separation on holidays and birthdays can be particularly challenging. The children may also find the new arrangements somewhat stressful and may have emotional reactions to spending the holidays and other special days away from one of their parents.
Thankfully, co-parents can take certain steps that can reduce how stressful the situation is for their children and increase their enjoyment of holidays, birthdays and other special events. What can co-parents do to make special days better for their children?
1. Communicate proactively
Co-parents sometimes make plans without consulting one another. Agreeing to go to an extended family member’s house for a birthday party, for example, could potentially interrupt the other parent’s time with the child. Keeping one another up to date as soon as possible when making plans, putting together a party or arranging for holiday travel can help prevent conflict.
2. Coordinate gifts
Some parents fall into the trap of trying to one-up each other around the holidays or on birthdays. They might buy the same gifts for their children or overextend themselves using credit cards.
Parents can potentially give their children better experiences by coordinating their gifts. They can share the price of more costly gifts, such as e-bikes, video game consoles and electronics. One parent can also buy accessories or other items that complement the gifts given by the other.
3. Maintain the children’s favorite traditions
Parents can work with one another to preserve certain traditions, such as seeing grandparents on Christmas Eve or getting together with cousins on birthdays. Upholding existing holiday and birthday traditions may require minor adjustments to the custody schedule and communication between the parents. However, these traditions can lead to memories that the children treasure for years.
Sharing holidays and birthdays isn’t particularly easy, but parents who share custody can better ensure that their children don’t feel the stress of the new situation. Co-parents who work cooperatively can ensure that their children enjoy special days instead of feeling anxious about parental conflict.